“Danielle who?” My doctor asked, his pen in his mouth. He seemed alarmed by the mention of her.
“Danielle Jackson. A friend and coworker.” I repeated, my eyes fixed on his, “Did I do something to her that i’m forgetting? I know she was there during the rape and the guy tried to strangle her, but why is she mad at me?”
I had my feet on top of the glass table. He was hiding something about Danielle and he wasn’t going to just tell me. I could tell.
“Well most victims sometimes push their own responsibilities on others. Maybe she thought you should have saved her.” His tongue worked around the cap of the pen and I could feel myself getting turned on. I felt a bit sick as well. It was subtle and I could probably control myself until the session was over.
“Well she didn’t die, so she should be glad that he didn’t rape her.” Then I paused, “He didn’t rape her did he?” I was sure he didn’t, but I felt like I should act more emotional around him because he’d give me less trouble that way.
“He didn’t rape her.” He pulled the pen out of his mouth and scribbled a few things down. The bugs crawled around the back of my head again. I wanted to know what he wrote on that damn notepad.
“Oh thank God.” And when I said that with false enthusiasm –that I thought only I noticed was fake– he frowned. He didn’t say anything however, but I could tell by the way he looked at me it was because he didn’t believe a single thing I said.
He’s right to not to trust what I say, but what gave him that right. I never did anything to warrant suspicion.
“Do you despise Danielle?” He asked me, leaning back in his chair, his pale neck shown just a bit more than before. I felt my blood rush and my hands felt cold suddenly.
“No. Why would you ask me that?” I even tried to sound upset, but I was just really turned on and a bit weak. He put the pen back in his mouth and uncrossed his legs, leaving them wide and facing me. I knew what that meant.
“I want you to describe what happened to you again. I want you to walk me through your rape. This time all of it.” Right to the point.
He was such a sick bastard. He not only got off on rape victims but he got off on their actually rape memories.
But none the less I thought back.
“I was watching Tv with Danielle. It was a Movie night. I remember that now. She was in the shower when he came in through the window the knife already right here, before I can make a sound. His tongue came over my face like he was tasting me, slooooow. The roughness of his tongue was all over me soon.” I grimaced at the thoughts of fear and sadness that whelmed up from the memory,
“He pushed me into the couch, and then he spread my legs and rubbed his sweatpants cock against mine. He rubbed and thrust and gyrated against me, looking me right in the eyes seeing my fear and the arousal he was causing. And he…He enjoyed that look.” The lights danced in my doctor’s eyes as he enjoyed every detail I gave him. He tried to hide it but I could see the smile and the arousal rising on his skin.
“Then he pulled himself out of his sweats, huge and throbbing, and he pulled my pajamas off. He rubbed his raw skin against my ass, slow at first, his foreskin make a slick sound as it slid up and down.” I hated thinking about him putting his disgusting body on mine without my permission, “His blade easing closer and closer to breaking the skin as he got more and more excited. His hot breaths were all over my stomach and my neck and the blade went from cold to warm and I was so afraid.”
I felt afraid then, but thinking back on it now I just felt weak. I should have grabbed him and pushed my dick into him. I should have laughed and made him scream out as loud as he could before I–
I paused letting that show I was done, but the Doctor stared at me expectantly.
“What do you want? He plowed into me for a long time!”
“I want you to remember what he smelled like, Jared. Smells trigger the most vivid memories. If you can understand what it was like one more time you’ll be able to put it in your past.” He was very aroused and I could see that. He stared at me, holding back his grin.
I thought back to the pain as he pressed himself inside of me. The first thing he said was
“If you clench it’s going to break the skin, so please go ahead and fight.” He whispered that into the skin behind my ear, gritty and rough.
He thrust fast and the pain was horrible. I couldn’t understand how he was pushing in against my will, but he did. He wheezed and laughed darkly as my tears rolled down my face, and his face was my face.
“Out Loud.” The Doctor snapped.
He needed to tell me what i’m forgetting about Danielle. I need to know what he was keeping from me. I looked up at the time, and back at him. It was time for our session to be over. So I began to collect my things.
“Hey!” He roared, walking quickly to me, “Hey!” He seized my arm, tightly, and pulled me to face him. I felt a mix of pleasure and anger. I enjoyed him grabbing me like this but really what I wanted was to grab him, “You leave when I say you leave.” He was seething.
I reached over and took hold of his crotch, and squeezed it lightly. He was just as aroused as i’d thought. He grabbed my hand, but I just leaned in and whispered against his neck,
“I’ll always know what you want, Doc.” and I heard him gasp so softly I almost didn’t hear it
“Let go.” He tried to keep his voice even, but I could hear the wanton desire budding up on his skin. Then the sickness was back again and I thought i’d probably vomit right then. I felt sweat beading on my forehead. I let go of him but he still held my arm, and twisted it up.
“You will never touch me like that again.” His eyes were serious, and angry. But the smell of arousal was still lingering on him like stink.
“Only if you promise not to get so excited about me again.” and I kissed him on the cheek. He let me go, and left the room himself.
I always win with guys like him
I got in my car and drove to the nearest place with a bathroom. I got on my knees and stroked myself as I threw up into the bowl. I couldn’t understand why it felt so right but I felt so sick. I couldn’t talk to my Doctor about it now. I bit my lip and fell into the mingling of nausea and ecstasy.
I lay with my head on the cool bowl and I thought that I need to fuck my doctor. I needed to fuck him into crazy bliss so that he’d tell me all that he was keeping from me. And somehow I needed to do that without throwing up. The more I thought about it the more exciting it became. All I had to do was utilize his weakness for me.
One mistake, though, and I could wind up knowing even less.