“We need to talk about what he did to you.” I asked, directly. The boy never responded to anything but directness. He thought very little of me, and feigned desire for pity.
“You know this already. He raped me.” He said it simply, as if nothing had happened to him.
That wasn’t the point of the treatment. We’d made sex and violence nauseating. We gave him confusion and pain. But if I didn’t force the issue he would never feel what we want him to feel.
“I know. We all know, but I think it would be easier for you if you walked through it.”
When he looked over at the glass table I found myself watching it as well, sudden nausea washing over me.
“Jared, i’m going to need you to look at me.” I spoke calmly, keeping my eyes from the table, “Let’s start with something easy. What were you doing that day?”
and he sat there, lost in his thoughts. I saw the distress building inside him and I wanted it. I wanted that distress for myself. I wanted to hear it
“Out loud.” I snapped. He looked me in the eyes and he thought I didn’t see how that tickled him.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, he had been smiling but didn’t stop. He uncrossed his legs.
“It was the knife that hit my neck first. Big blade right against here and before saying a word he just ran his tongue nice and sloooooooow against my face like I was some big ice cream cone.” I could seem him smiling at me in the midst of the shock of the incident, and I felt aroused. To my peak of arousal, “I probably tasted like cream or strawberries because he pushed me back into the room and onto the nearest couch and started licking me all over.”
He looked like he was going to be sick, and I smiled all over. This is what I wanted. We wanted.
“Some times I imagine that he has my face. That I enjoyed doing that to myself.” He didn’t even know that he was the rapist…oh the feeling of knowing so much more than him. Of being in control of him felt so good.
“It’s actually quite common to have sexual arousal from your rape.”
There was a knock at the door and in came my secretary, “Are you ready for your first appointment of the day?” He asked, his pale skin reddened now, by my gaze. He looked so vulnerable.