Day 1: Beg


You were caught in an avalanche. To be rescued, you need to make it through the night. What thought(s) would give you the strength to go through such a scary, dangerous situation?


You’d think that when you feel the snow crush down you’d immediately know that you’re a goner. It’s the kind of thing you wouldn’t be able to even attempt to lie to yourself about. You can’t feel your tongue in your mouth, but you bet your ass that you’re trying to figure out what happened and what you’ve gotta do. It’s like how people in a failing marriage can never see that their love is just shitty and rotting from the inside out, but everyone with a clear nasal canal can smell it come from a hundred miles away. Hope is shitty.

What i needed to do was to pace my breathing and stay awake. If i fell asleep

“and 4th place goes to Erick.” And the spidery man skittered off to his seat to the left of the heavy black curtains.

Erick was a mopey kid with droppey eyes and liked to walk as slowly as possible. He dragged around his long gangling legs taking ginger steps and frowning all the while. The audience watched his slow movement towards the microphone in silence, probably too razzed by the silence itself or the how possibly uneventful this whole thing had been. Who really cared what the fourth place in the blahblahblah is? Certainly not

You’d think that it’d burn to push yourself in that kind of weight, moving in the slosh slightly moist from your body heat. The thing about ice/ snow is that it didn’t actually pack evenly. It was hard to breathe and every second you were gambling with the idea that at some point you’d hit a pocket that brought down all that snow, and just crush you for good. That might have been a relief when you suddenly remember that all you had to do was stay awake and breathe, but then how would they find you? There won’t be much to save if you keep on moving like that. DOn’t sleep but rela

Do cats know that they’re cats when they’re just born like how geese know how to push an egg through their legs and into it’s nest without ever being taught? When they meow are they surprised?

Piss is every where. That woke you up. You would think that this was something that would be well documented, snow survivors. Well it’s not a well documented thing, or you’d know about it. Before you never put yourself in a terrorizing position you liked to look up deaths directly relating to the events you intend on participating in. It’s a cruel humor you share only with yourself. The piss is eating up all the good air in this bubble you’re trapped in under how many layers of snow. its smells like  piss and soon it starts tasting like piss.

Theodore Roosevelt. See, that was a man.

So where are you? You’re in some motel room. You just – you just wake up and you’re in – in a motel room. There’s the key. It feels like maybe it’s just the first time you’ve been there, but perhaps you’ve been there for a week, three months. It’s – it’s kind of hard to say. I don’t – I don’t know. It’s just an anonymous room. If you could just… reach over and touch… her side of the bed, you would know that it was cold, but you can’t.

Maybe you die there. Maybe the cold crushes your lungs and wipes your bones into dust. You’re a strong person and you know that’s not true. You have to be still in the ice waiting for them to find you. You just have to keep breathing. Try to stay awake.


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